Saturday, December 5, 2009


"Merry Christmas, Marvin," Janet Collins of the Los Angeles Public Defender's Office said to Marvin Marley as he sat in his holding cell at the County Jail in Anaheim, California on the day before Christmas.
"Bah, humbug!" Marvin shouted.
"Bah humbug your ass!" Janet said. "I just want to tell you that your extradition hearing back to Boston is set for tomorrow, Christmas Day, at 8 a.m."
"Oh, it is, is it?" Marvin sneered.
"You're wanted for the murder of your clerk," Janet said.
"Well," Marvin said, "there's a good reason. My clerk stole $5,000 from me behind my back last Christmas. I found..."
"You're not sure, are you?"
"Of course I am! When I let Crachit go early that day, I noticed that there was 5 grand missing from my collection!"
"That's not the story you're circulating," Janet reminded him. "You're in trouble because you fired him after he screwed up a Fedex Delivery, which wasn't his fault."
"What are you talking about?"
"You fired him 2 days before the day in question," Janet reminded. "The Fedex plane that carried the package for Poppagill crashed off Newfoundland. That's why he didn't get it."
"Oh," Marvin felt. "Well, just after I fired him, he stole $5,000 from my treasury. I wanted to get it back from him..."
"Don't lie to me, Marvin!" Janet said. "You're facing capital murder charges back in the Bay State, and if you're found guilty, you could face the death penalty..."
"Shut the fuck up!" Marley screamed. As he said this, he rushed Janet, sending her sprawling onto the floor. As she lost consciousness, Marvin threw her out of the cell and sneaked out of the area before anyone could see him. Out the door he went and into the sunshine of a Southern Californian Christmas Eve afternoon.

Janet was discovered 10 minutes later on the ground by an LAPD officer.
"I can't move," she was saying. She'd wet herself and a thick stink was filling the seat of her pants. The officer wasted no time in calling an ambulance. Within seconds, the ambulance was speeding its way to take her to a hospital.

It was feared that Janet Collins had suffered a spinal cord injury, but within minutes of coming to the hospital, she started moving her arms and legs again. She would be laid up with a broken neck and a fractured back for weeks.
Meantime, Marvin Marley was walking through the Rodeo Drive section of Beverly Hills when several cops jumped out from nowhere.
"Police! Freeze!"
Marley took off, but he didn't get far. He ran into a group of Catholic School girls and sent them sprawling to the pavement. One of the cops helped the girls up while the others ran after Marley. He tripped over a banana peel that someone had thrown out on the sidewalk and nearly got hit by a car.
Within seconds, Marley was handcuffed and brought back to the County Jail. Hearing of the news, the judge who was to preside over the hearing on the morrow waived the need for such a spectacle and ordered Marley put on the first flight to Boston.

Later that evening, Marley was taken aboard a private airliner that left LAX bound for Boston.

It never got there; the plane ran out of fuel and crashed in the middle of Lake Huron. The whole plane and its crew were lost, but Marley was able to pick the locks off of his chains and swam all the way into the shore of a town in Central Ontario.
He'd beat the system again....or did he?

To be continued....

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