SANDY CLAWS?

"You mean Santa's being charged with murder?" Dickie, the guy who ran the WXMAS station asked.
"No," the baliff explained, "it's the alias of a local drug dealer living in the North Dorchester section of Roxbury. Two nights ago, he shot a couple and 5 of their kids along with a dozen guests at their Christmas house party. The couple and 3 of the guests died; the others were wounded. Including the 3 kids...but they're gonna be all right."
"Looks like he'll spend the rest of his life in the can," Dickie said.
"No, this is a capital murder charge."
"What do you mean?"
"The legislature passed a comprehensive death penalty bill that the Governor vetoed. Both houses overrid it, so it's now a capital offense to commit murder here in Massachusetts."
"Oh, Christ!"
"How does your client plead?"
"NOT GUILTY!" the loudmouthed public defender yelled.
"People on bond?"
"People request remand, your honor."
"Nonsense. Mr. Claws is mentally ill, after losing his wife in a tragic car accident last Christmas..."
"I don't want to hear it!"
"But your honor...!"
Bang! The gavel fell!
"Defendant is remanded without bond! We will now go into recess!" With that, the judge began to step down from the bench. At this, the public defender shouted, "CHAMBERS, YOUR HONOR!"

WXMAS!

There's a radio station somewhere in Boston's South Shore that transmits holiday music year-round. It's called WXMAS, and it's located at an internet site that shall remain nameless. The man who founded the station based his call letters on a karaoke machine that his family had in the mid 1990s.
One night, the night before Christmas Eve, the sounds of the synthesized music from the karaoke machine caused him to have a nervous breakdown. He spent a good hour crying over his years growing up. Especially at Christmas time when all his family & friends were there with him. Then one by one, they either passed on or moved away. He missed his parents, especially, since both of them had passed on in a violent car crash back in May.
Anyway, last February, he launched his own internet radio station called WXMAS. This would be dedicated to playing holiday music throughout the year. Not just Christmas music, mind you, but music for Valentine's Day, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, Halloween, Hannukah, the patriotic holidays, and so much more. In between the holidays, you hear a mixture of ambient & alternative music called "The Mix Up."
Well, when he heard that Dave & Belle had been killed by Mr. Marley, he was at the courthouse to see the arraignment. And when he heard the "remainded without bond" words at the end of it all, he was relieved. Marvin was a tightfisted man who wouldn't permit any funding of the station. And when the Copyright Board threatened to raise the royality rights for his stations, he asked his listeners to pony up on contributions in addition to selling advertising on the site.
Anyway, after Marvin's arraignment was over, he hung around the courtroom for another arraignment.
"Docket #820818445, People Vs. Donald Sullivan..."
"Dan Cupid!"
"...a.k.a. Dan Cupid. Charges indecent exposure, solicitation for sex, and sexual assault."
Yes, Don Sullivan, the counterman at Steven's Liquor Store & Convenience Market up in Milton Village. Last week, at the Famous Lovers Ball, he came in dressed up as Dan Cupid and showed him a tatoo in a place I won't mention...
"How does you client plead?"
"Not guilty, your honesty!"
He knew that his defense attorney was from somewhere in Eastern Europe. So what? The important thing is...you're good at what you do and you wni respect. Anyway, the guy had propsed a marriage between the two guys. But wait a minute! So what if Massachusetts allows that stuff? God frowns on it! The basic motto: love the sinner, but hate the sin he's committing.
"You've got to understand, your honest..."
"Donald pulled his Pampers and showed his tatooed naughty bits! And it was in a public place..."
"Your honesty..."
"To quote a famous playwright, 'I will be deaf to pleading or excuses....therefore use none!.'"
The gavel fell.
"Defendant is remanded without bond! Next case!"
As he bolted out, he could hear the bailiff shouting "Docket #9876543210H, People Vs. Sandy Claws...charges 5 counts of capital murder..."

CORRECTION!

Sorry, in the last post, I said that Bob & Belle Crachit were British citizens living here in the States. His name really is Dave Crachit, but he was a direct descendant of Bob Crachit, who lived in London back in the 19th. Century. Thought you'd need to know...

HOW THIS HAPPENED! PART 3!

Well, Marley got out of the bar and ran down the street towards the subway. He jumped the fare gate and ran straight down the stairs towards the train. But he didn't quite make it. He tripped over a banana peel and fell into the track just as a train was coming. Only a quick move into the gap prevented him from being run over in the end. As soon as the train moved out of the station, he jumped onto the back car and opened the conductor's door, running straight into the train's last car.
Unfortunately, 3 MBTA Police officers and a Boston cop were waiting to jump on him and pounce him to the floor. He would spend Christmas Day awaiting arrangement on multiple counts.

Nobody in the family attended the arraignment. They were too busy planning for their parents' funeral, which would take place the next day. The Church of the Advent would host the funeral with a full Requiem Mass and burial service. More than 2,000 people would attend that service. Following that would be a smaller service that would have a sparse attendance-the bartender and his patrons, who volunteered to help bury the 12 year old boy who'd been shot that same evening. (It was found out that his parents had abandoned him to a home for orphans and had died that same evening.)
Of course, the local media from all over New England made the Crachts' story front page news and it would soon be picked up by CNN, Fox News Channel and MSNBC, not to mention reporters from the BBC & Sky News in Britain(Dave & Belle Crachit were, of course, British citizens living in the States).
It would be months before Marley's case came to trial...but what followed next is so bizarre you have to read it to believe it!

To be continued...

HOW THIS HAPPENED! PART 2!

The five children are as follows:
Betsy, 19, a sophmore at UMass Boston;
Craig, 12, a sixth-grade student at Holy Family Parochial School in South Boston;
Marilou & Charles, 8, twin brother and sister and 3rd. grade students at that same school;
and Tommy, 5, born with several birth defects. He was known as "Toughie Tommy," because he believed in enduring his disability with grace.
Well, those kids told what happened to their parents and the cops went straight to work on trying to arrest him. Meanwhile, Marley was running through into the subway when a 12-year-old boy asked him for some spare change. Marvin was so angry that he shot the boy then and there.
2 MBTA cops started chaising him but he shot them at them, wounding one and sending the other sprawling down the escalator. He ran into a bar and pulled out his pistol.
"Hand me your money or you're dead!" he shouted. People screamed and pulled out whatever they had. Marley picked it up and bolted saying, "Don't you tell anyone or I'll come back and kill you all!"

HOW THIS HAPPENED.

Marvin Marley had fired Dave Crachit 2 days earlier on Christmas Eve when it was found out that Efram Poppagill didn't get the Fedex package that had been sent the previous day.
"Cracht!" Marvin shouted. "That package you sent to Poppagill last night didn't get there! You're in for trouble!"
Dave checked the Fedex delivery system on his computer and it revealed that the plane had crashed off of Newfoundland an hour after take off. However, when Dave told Marvin what had happened, he wouldn't hear of it.
"Clear out of here, Crachit," he shouted, "or I'll have you hanging by your nuts!" And with that, Marvin waved his cane at him, causing Dave to dive out of the way. Marley fell down a flight of stairs before landing on his buttocks.
Dave ran out of the office and headed home to his house in South Boston, where he told his wife Belle what had happened. When he told her that Marley had sacked him, Belle reassured him that everything would be all right.

And up until they sat down at dinner with the family that evening, it was. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"David," Belle said, "I'll get up to answer it."
"Okay," Dave said. "Probably it's Pip from the store."
As Belle opened the door, there stood Marvin Marley with a new pistol.
"Mr. Marley!" Belle screamed.
Marvin shot Belle point black in the face. Dave screamed in horror and rushed towards her, but was shot in the throat. The 5 children ran out of the kitchen by the back door. Marvin didn't go after the children; he merely took off. The Boston Police was making the rounds so the kids stopped the car and told the cops what happened.

DECEMBER 26TH., 2001!

"Docket #2352212: People of Massachusetts vs. Marvin Marley. Charges: 1 count of arson, 1 count of robbery, 2 counts of murder in the first degree, 1 count of attempted murder resulting in the disability of a third victim, and 1 count of capital murder involving a child."
"How does the defendant plead?"
"Not guilty, your honor."
"People on bail?"
"People ask remand, your honor."
"Your honor, my client is a respected businessman here on the South Shore.."
"He's also a skinflint! Defendant is remanded without bond!"